Thursday, 6 December 2012

Raging session

I know writing such post on my blog is probably not a good idea, and i might hate myself tomorrow for posting such an annoying girly broken hearted princessy shit but i desperately need to released my feeling onto something. Since i know maybe telling someone about my relationship problems again and again will probably just annoyed the shit out of them. Im really not in the mood! Not happy! What the hell have gone wrong? It started off so perfect, like always. Then there is always just one random day that he will go cold on you. And you will think, maybe tomorrow will be better. But guess what, it never got better. It will only become worse and worse! Why does this kind of thing always happen to me? Giving all my heart in and always ended up with a broken heart? Is it my problem or what? I always tried my best to be the bestest possible girlfriend. Doing whatever you want me to do. Maybe I'm too attached? Maybe it's my fault to care too much.

I remembered how much you used to care. I remember you told me to never go clubbing, not to have guy friends and never even step out the house cause the world outside is too scary. I remembered i used to hate it cause i thought you were such a control freak. I remembered i complaint about it. But you told me ''you better be glad because i still care. One day when i dont control you, that's when you should be worried.'' Therefore, i listened to you. Stayed home and be the perfect girlfriend you wanted me to be. Never dare to break any rules that you set for me. But all of a sudden, you just changed. I mean like 180 degree. Totally different. You dont care no more.

You changed. We use to text 24/7 and talk on the phone every night for hours before we fall asleep. Slowly, it just gets less and less once you went back to your exciting life. The calls get so much lesser. If i am lucky enough, i will end up with one phone call per week that goes on for 10mins max. Then you told me you hate texting. Like, how come i didnt even know this before?? How come after we dated for half a year and u told me you hate texting? Distance and lack of communication? Not a very good combination.

And I'm so jealous of you. You're having fun with your life. Clubbing and getting drunk every night with billion of (girl) friends surrounded around you. I am just the silly one that still hold on to my phone every night hoping for a chance to a least be lucky enough to get a call from you that night. Being used to having you in my life not such a good thing after all.

I tried every way to get your heart back. I yelled, i cried, i kept quiet, i did anything possible. Nothing worked. I told myself, it must have been the distance. Few more days, i'll be seeing you. Just be patient. You know, when you have hopes, there will always be disappointments. Yes, thats right. Saw him in real life. Felt completely different. He's no longer the guy that i first fall in love with. The way he treats me, was no way near like before. It was like 80% more silence and 90% less laughters. I was really heart broken. Weird.. Most of the time, we just stayed quiet. Nothing to say. Somewhat awkward.

Crazy thinking back to the beginning, it could be sooo sweet that i can go all out of my mind. Believed anything that you said, everything you did. You told me to trust you and feel safe to give my whole heart to you. You told me that changing girlfriends are tiring, so might as well just stay with one for a very very long time. I believed you. I made you promised to never break my heart. Promises...... you're cruel.

Actually, it's the time thats cruel. It made you see things so clear. See how people changes. I just beg for that one person to appear in my life that will never ever break my heart. Seems stupid, but after so many times of heart breaking lessons, i still believe in love. Actually, love seems so unreal. They change quick, like way too quick. Quicker than anything. Starting to understand why some girls rather stay materialistic than finding a guy that she loves. Cause at least things lasts longer than love right? 


  1. Chanced upon your blog and enjoy reading it!

  2. Life is a still go on and it is compiled with far more excited and interesting things other than a guy who don't care point to waste your life on him.. he will just be a pass by in the end of the day. Thou it is hard for giving up some1 that you had gave all in..but still human is normal to be changing. Only God's love never chance.. hence, it is a decision to stay happy or continue to be gloomy in which the 1 you care ,will doesn't care.